Where's the beef?

No, really...I'm hungry.

Like most of us, I'm a contradiction of things. I like to champion the rights of those that cannot speak for themselves -- namely animals, but within reason. I'm pro animal rights, yet I wear leather. I'm horrified and disgusted by the very thought of a slaughterhouse, yet I'm not one to shy away from sucking the meat off a chicken wing or bbq rib. Finger lickin' good.

I remember one night at dinner when I was in grade school. We were having the popular choice of fish sticks. All of a sudden a terrible thought hit me. I got up from the kitchen table (without permission) and went to the living room to look at my pet goldfish George Lincoln and Abraham Washington (not kidding, you can't make this stuff up). I went back into the kitchen and stared at my plate. Across the table, my Mom had the strangest look on her face that in hindsight I recognize as "oh crap, she figured it out - now she won't eat anything". I asked my innocent question and, sure enough, boycotted the meal.

I've dabbled in vegetarianism a few different times in my life. The mind-altering fish episode, my freshman year in college (where I didn't really eat anything except rice cakes, diet coke and reese's peanut butter cups) and when I was being weighed in weekly at the ballet company. My roomate and bf was a vegetarian and tiny, so I figured I'd give up hot dogs for a while and see what happened. It didn't last long. While I truly believed I could live on just cheese for at least a year, the craving for meat was undeniable.

I've always loved animals and have had a difficult time with the notion that I'm eating one. I even had a cow named after me once (I'm still afraid to ask what ever happened to that calf -- and pray she wasn't one of the "sides of beef" we stocked in our basement freezer). However, the love of meat, the craving especially for red meat, wins every time. Yes, I'm a carnivore.

My most recent meat obsession: cheeseburgers. All of them.

It is really hard to ruin a cheeseburger...unless, of course, you undercook them and they are raw and bleeding and...ew...puke. If cooked appropriately (medium edging to medium-well, in my opinion) there's really nothing that can go wrong. It is easy to eat, ever-changing with a myriad of topping and condiment choices, a good source of protein and delicious.

Here are a few (or more) of my local favorites.

*Hamburger Mary's Barbra-Q Bacon Burger: a big, juicy mess of a burger with cheddar, bacon, bbq sauce, etc. It might put you in a food coma, but soooo worth it.

*Matisse, Moody's, Dunlay's, Wild Goose and Emmit's Pub's blue cheeseburgers. Ask for A1 sauce (and sweet potato fries where available).

*Bandera's house burger. You wouldn't think to order a burger there, but it is fantastic (with shredded lettuce, a "special sauce" and served with tiny shoestring fries).

*Twisted Spoke's 1/2 lb burger. I've only eaten the entire thing in one sitting once -- and it hurt. This burger has to have about 4 cloves of garlic in the meat. You will be reliving the experience for days to come. (Only recommended every six months or so and chug a bottle of Scope if on a date.)

And, of course, I have to mention the fast food varieties.

McDonald's - Big Mac, Quarter Pounder and even the plain old little cheeseburger. You can't go wrong.
Burger King - flame-broiled, enough said.
White Castle - sliders. A food in a category by itself.
In & Out Burger - I haven't been, but it is legendary. I can't wait to visit my friends in LA to see for myself.

So, for now I will satisfy my philanthropic urges by sending money to save the animals (I have a particular affinity to bears - panda and polar) while satisfying my carnivorous urges at the nearest burger joint. It's dinner time. Peace out.